she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
