I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
