with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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