Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
