I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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