So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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