alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
