break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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