So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
