You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
