I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I supernannyed him into submission
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
