i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
