i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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