Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
