I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
