so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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