Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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