If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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