Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
