I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You are a genius and a whore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
