apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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