I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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