I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
