dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
