So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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