am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
