my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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