he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
