I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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