I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
