had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
