we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
