I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
