It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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