so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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