also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
