i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
