if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
