Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
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There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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