these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
