my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize