Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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