That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
