next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
