never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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