And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
