i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
