for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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