So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
