He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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