Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I did not marry a roomba.
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