you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
