im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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