you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
