He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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