my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is the high leading the old right now
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
