how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
