well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
