I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize