I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
