well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
