So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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