You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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