dude i'm inner monologue high
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
