Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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