i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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