The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We smell like vodka and hangover
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