I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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