Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
