Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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