No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
