My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
