; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
