Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
