so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
