I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
