Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
