Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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