just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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