hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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