hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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